The Faded Struggle of Restraint -- Two Poems

 The Faded Struggle of Restraint

She slogs through the forgotten days

Of practice, pleasure, and deep malaise.

They have meaning, I’m sure

They have meaning, I know.

And yet deepest desires

And ultimate focus go

To fictional days of excitement, color, and life

To wonderful times when husband calls me wife.

Vivid pigments fade when reality

Comes to the unwilling soul who must see

The danger in love, the confusion

In it’s deeply powerful illusion

Of security, meaning, and worth.

It cannot be true, I’m sure.

It cannot be true, I know?

So she slogs through the forgotten days

In the faded struggle of restraint.

The Faded Struggle of Restraint

Life is bright and full of beauty.

The world is colors, vivid and moody

Moments strike, and the world doesn’t change.

Yet mountains of suffering dim the range

Of colors faded, colors mute.

The world is still there!

The picture is the same!

Full life is through the door

That is closed to you now.

There is no opening it, for you don’t know how.

And even if you did

There would be no guarantee

That life would be even close

To the beauty you thought it would be.

But Then There are Other Moments

Occasionally I will be doing something totally random, or witnessing something simple and kind. Usually, I am engaged in learning and reading, or witnessing a small kindness like a door being opened for someone, or a bed made.

In these moments, my eyes well up with excitement or tenderness, I cannot keep the smile from my face, and this transcendent feeling is emanating off of me that I cannot contain, nor would I want to.

It reminds me of death's quote in the Book Thief.

"Yes, I have seen a great many things in this world. I attend the greatest disasters and work for the greatest villains.

But then there are other moments."

Make sure to have these moments. You can't actually manufacture them, or train yourself with a certain regiment to manipulate yourself into having them. They are actually constantly going on around us, no need to manufacture or manipulate. You simply have to tap into their beauty. You have to see reality differently -- like death began to. This is something you cannot do on your own, though it does require effort. In fact, these moments would occur more often for us if we forgot our own efforts and recognized the awesome wonder of the great world, the variety of individuals, and the greatness of God.

See the world differently, only you know how. I only wish I was as good as death is in sharing my moments with others.