Back in the good old days, I thought about this phrase a lot...I thought
Why would we have to take up our cross if the Savior did that for us?
Why do we have to take on the burden of sin when because of Jesus Christ we are freed from that burden?
Aren't our yokes were easy and our burdens light when we team up with God?
I found a scripture that helps explain this in Alma 39:9
Now my son, I would that ye should repent and forsake your sins, and go no more after the lusts of your eyes, but cross yourself in all these things; for except ye do this ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God. Oh, remember, and take it upon you, and cross yourself in these things.
"Cross yourself" has a footnote to TG Self Mastery.
Elder Ulisses Soares says "Taking upon yourselves your crosses and following the Savior means continuing with faith on the Lord’s path and not indulging in worldly habits."
In Mosiah 3:19 we learn that "the natural man is an enemy to God...and unless he yields to the enticing of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord..."
In the Joseph Smith translation of Matthew, chapter 16 verse 24 it reads "And now for a man to take up his cross, is to deny himself all ungodliness, and every worldly lust, and keep my commandments."
So I think just because the Savior suffered for us, does not mean we no longer have the ability to choose, or that we live in a world without toil and pain. Evilness still exists, and exercising self-control is our cross that we must take up. Though Jesus Christ didn't eliminate our personal responsibility, He did enable us to overcome any wickedness and inequality through our choices.
Recently I've come to understand this even better as I think of "trials and challenges." Lots of people talk about how we have to go through trials and challenges because we grow and learn...that there's always a reason for them, you just have to find it. You just have to find out why you were put with a certain companion, why you chose to go to a certain school, why you were given a certain calling. This can be true to a certain extent, but it's too specific. Trials and challenges aren't self serving - they are the purpose we are here on earth. Why are we finding a certain "reason" why we go through certain things, when the ultimate reason is to become like Jesus Christ? And frankly, we can choose to become like Jesus Christ no matter what we go through... so we don't need to keep finding reasons, especially when certain trials and challenges are something no one should have to go through no matter how much they learned and grew from it. We face evilness, selfishness, greed, and envy in others so we can choose to forgive, understand, and absorb the wickedness of others...we do not just emulate chrislike attributes, we must be like Christ - we must sacrifice part of ourselves - part of our natural man, to enable and forgive others. That is our cross that we must bear. That is what we take up when we choose to follow Jesus Christ through baptism.
Because of Jesus Christ's infinite love for us, we are inabled to have infinite love for others... but that doesn't take away the opposition. The natural man is still out there. Self mastery takes work. Though we must still take up our cross, the heaviness of it can be taken away through Him.
This week (many months ago now) I was reading in Jacob 5, and something stood out to me. In verses 32 and 35, the Lord of the Vineyard talks about how the tree with the bad fruit "profiteth Him nothing." That seemed off. Since when has the Lord been some kind of businessman/accountant that only cares about profit? Are the children of men, or the "fruit" nothing but so-called coins in the His pocket? Why doesn't it talk about how much the Lord cares for the fruit unconditionally rather than only for profit?
As I considered these questions I realized something about myself. I've often struggled with finding happiness without productivity. Productivity and happiness are intrinsically connected in my mind, you can't have one without the other. So, I give myself a hard time for putting so much value in accomplishments and time well spent. It's a difficult paradox for me to manage.
Later on in the chapter (verses 41 and 66) we learn that the Lord is no mere businessman. He cares deeply about this fruit. He weeps over it. I don't know all the answers to the questions above but I do know this: as I pondered these verses I felt both joy for my past and present achievements, (or "profits") and understanding that these accomplishments have value - not because they're "coins in my pocket," but because they have led me to be more like Jesus Christ. Though the world revolves around empty profits, as disciples of Jesus Christ we can find value in what truly matters.
I wrote this speech a couple of months ago. I continue to think about this topic...if I could change/include more in this speech I would say that first, our bodies are not our own. They are gifts from God. We're borrowing them. What we do with them we have to be accountable for. Our bodies are not just "temples", they are literally from God, we could not have created them ourselves. Second, I would've fought for modesty in a more universal and atheistic way - though that may have been a different speech and may not even be possible. But I know that people have issues with this speech because they tend to still believe in virtue, but not God's virtue. I know there is a way to convince them that unless you are an atheistic scientist who believes we're all just masses of flesh, you must believe in chastity and virtue and therefore, modesty.
MODESTY ATTITUDES RELATED TO CURRENT FASHIONS.
This is the title of a study conducted in 1973 by a college student named PATRICIA ANN JACKSON. Her study reads “The topic for investigation arose in a rather unusual manner. During the summer of 1972, the shower stalls in the community bathrooms had been removed so that newer and more sanitary facilities could replace the old, rusty divisions. When the dormitory re-opened, no shower divisions had been installed. The residents were extremely upset over this situation and the majority refused to shower as there was no way of attaining privacy. The researcher, Patricia, a clothing and textiles major, began to notice more and more the extremely revealing fashions that the dormitory residents were wearing. This caused the researcher to wonder about attitudes toward modesty. Why would the girls expose themselves so freely in their clothing, yet demand complete privacy for showering in the all-girls dormitory?”
Though this study was conducted in 1973, I find this narrative quite interesting in its application to our current world. One of my good friends posted a while ago something to the extent of “everyone that judges people about modesty just needs to back off, I decide what I wear.” Another day a christian mom influencer put in her instagram story “lol someone censored me for pornography and it was just a simple bikini.” I checked out her profile - I guess her definition of a simple bikini involves posing seductively and showing her entire butt. You don’t even have to make it past the Walmart parking lot to see a whole lot of bare leg, stomach, and shoulders. What surprises me is not that people show a lot of skin and think it’s ok - there will always be people like that. The surprise is in the fact that good virtuous people that I know and love well - these are the people who are making the topic of modesty controversial. This battle isn’t fought in that scary outside world, it’s come down to me and you in this very room.
This is because there is a disconnect between virtue and modesty. Why would those girls in 1973 expose themselves so freely in their clothing, yet demand complete privacy for showering in the all-girls dormitory? Why are Christian influencers unphased when someone flags their Instagram account for pornography? Why do most people I know refuse to have sex before marriage and yet walk around in clothes that appear as if they’re already halfway there? It is because our standards of dress apparently have nothing to do with our values.
When we don’t connect what we wear to values, we end up connecting it to current trends instead.
For example, all throughout social media, you’ll find a movement of body positivity, normalizing stretch marks, chubbiness, and imperfection. This is good. Yet, for some reason, these captions are often paired with a pic of a woman in some kind of lingerie. This part is not good, because the message is sent; if you can wear less and be comfortable, it must mean you are comfortable with your body. This trend does not prove anything. Dressing immodestly does not prove you are comfortable with your body. In fact, it can even prove the opposite as some use their body to receive compliments, attention, and praise.
The second example of current trends proves sneaky and tricky… perhaps you’ve heard the argument “I can wear whatever I want, it’s not my responsibility to keep other people’s thoughts clean.” My question to this argument is, since when have we been responsible for other people’s thoughts? The answer is, since never! If I’m rude to someone, I am not responsible for them thinking or saying rude things back. Yet, that doesn’t justify my being rude in the first place! If something is wrong, something is wrong - regardless of whether or not you’re responsible for someone else’s thoughts.
And as a final example, in movies, social media, even shopping at H&M, we’re constantly fed the idea that dressing sexy shows that you are an amazing, attractive, and beautiful person. However, the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology tells us wearing a doctor’s coat, a judge’s robe, or a pilot’s uniform, makes one feel and act smarter. We all know wearing workout clothes helps us exercise, wearing sweats makes us feel sluggish, and wearing blazers most definitely makes us better at debate. So when we dress in a risque way, we’re far more likely to act risque. Dressing immodestly does not show that we are beautiful, it shows that we are morally questionable.
As you can see with these three examples, standards of dress have become connected to modern philosophy instead of actual values. However, there is an emptiness in basing your apparel on trends. We’re not fooling anyone, historical and modern trends prove that modesty can mean whatever we want it to mean. In 3000 BC, the men of the Minoan civilization wore only loincloths and the women wore clothing that covered everything but their breasts. In ancient Mesopotamia at a time known as the Uruk period, many activities were done completely in the nude. In contrast, we go to England in the late 1800s, where prostitutes were barely allowed to show their ankles - let alone upper legs, and men were absolutely scandalous if they showed their neck and chest. Now in 2021 the general norm is looking ripped in our sports bras, cut-offs, and crop tops. If we base our standards of dress off of cultural norms - there is no basis at all. The range of modesty throughout time and cultures goes from complete coverage to completely naked.
Don’t get me wrong, this wide range does not make certain cultures and beliefs incorrect. I’m not here to analyze the ethics of every single piece of clothing. I’m here to argue that when you attach your standard of dress to what is socially acceptable your values become inconsistent. Each of us has the freedom to determine what we should wear and what we believe, but virtue doesn’t “change with the times.” Moral uprightness, strength, power, chastity, and dignity - these are things that stay consistent, as they have a strong foundation in respecting ourselves and respecting others.
This foundation shows that modesty and virtue are intrinsically connected. Virtue is all things goodness - all things pure. It is not lustful, it is chaste. It is not suggestive, it is genuine. Dressing virtuously allows people to focus on your strengths and talents, your fine mind, and your sparkling personality, rather than your body. It shows selflessness - sacrificing the need to wear whatever we want for the dignity of others.
A long time ago I got dressed in a super cute outfit that, may I say, looked fantastic on me. The skirt I was wearing was a little too short, but it was worth it. All day I was fidgeting, fixing, and pulling to make sure I had everything covered. I know this sounds like a super cheesy Christian girl story so bear with me here. My Mom even commented on the shortness of the skirt, and I felt thoroughly offended. Though I may have looked a little less fantastic in a longer skirt, I definitely would’ve felt more comfortable. The moral of this story is obvious. Actress and designer Jessica Rey put it best when she said “Modesty isn't about covering up our bodies because they're bad. Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves. It's about revealing our dignity." My heart breaks for my friend who posted about feeling judged when she dressed in a revealing way. If we dress and live according to our values, there is no reason to feel judged, offended, or uncomfortable. If we dress according to social norms, there is every reason to feel judged and offended.
With this in mind, there is still no excuse for rudely judging someone based on appearance. Of course, what matters most is who you are on the inside. That is where virtue starts, but that is not where virtue ends. If you truly believe that you are more than your body if you believe in chastity and respect - that will come through in your actions, words, and yes, even the way you dress. If you are generally moral but don’t mind being a little risque, most people will sense that based on your presentation. Our thoughts, actions, and words should be uplifting, kind, and genuine. Why not our way of dress?
I am not perfect at this. Sometimes, I care too much about how my body looks, I wear trendy clothing for the wrong reasons, and... I still haven’t gotten rid of that skirt.
But on more and more rare occasions I see a person with dignity. They’re people who have an inward glow that is not as easy to see as the outward glow of a spray tan. People like Patricia Jackson have the eyes to see the strange disconnect our world has with communal showers vs plunging necklines. Someone who doesn't need to show off, but also doesn't need to hide. These people are comfortable with themselves, and I don’t need to see their exposed bodies in order to know that. When I see someone like this, they are real, not a brazen creation of social media. They inspire me to look beyond outward appearance. They reflect things that matter most instead of trivial, changeable fads. I hope to be more like them.
Answering this question, I thought, was my life mission. In a world that confuses and twists the truth, I believe God gave me the necessary gifts to discern and share what He says to be true. However, this question is apparently cynical. Pilate asked it of Jesus right before he washed his hands of Christ's crucifixion. Jesus did not respond, because I believe He knew Pilate would not understand, nor did he want to. Or maybe, as I have recently learned, it's because Pilate actually asked the wrong question. Jesus Christ is the truth. My life mission isn't answering "what is truth", it's answering who is truth...who is Jesus Christ. Pilate didn't want to know who Jesus was. All of the contradictions and disagreements in the world all narrow down to that one question. We each see truth differently because we each see Jesus Christ differently. Some see Him as only merciful, and not just. Others see Him as a member of the LGBTQQIA+2 community. You may see him as a BLM supporter. I probably see Him as more just than merciful. On my mission, I realized that the actions of certain missionaries weren't wrong to them, even though they were incredibly disrespectful to me. It's because we believed in different Gods. We saw Jesus Christ differently. Once I realized this it helped me be less judgemental, it helped me understand something from someone else's perspective - a valuable skill.
There are certain things I know about Jesus Christ. I know He was perfect. I know He loves me. I know He suffered for me so that I could be enabled through Him to do what is good, to be like Him. I know that Jesus Christ is not gay. I know He expects something of me, He did not eliminate my personal responsibility. Jesus Christ to me is a conglomerate of every good person I know. I think of the wisdom that my speech and debate teacher shared with me, I think of my parents, I think of my choir conductors. Jesus Christ is my greatest mentor, my greatest cheerleader. He understands me. I think of the verse in the Book Mormon where He appeared to the people in the Americas. My favorite verses read
13 And it came to pass that theaLordspake unto them saying:
14 Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may athrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may bfeel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the cGod of Israel, and the God of the whole dearth, and have been slain for the sins of the world.
15 And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and adid feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come.
To imagine being one of these Nephites...to imagine feeling the prints of the nails in His hands and in His feet...to see Christ's face, and know that is my Savior. That fills me with such great rejoicing, such great wonderment, and awe.
One of my favorite lyrics is in the hymn "How Great Thou Art." It says "When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart. Then I shall bow in humble adoration and there proclaim My God How Great Thou Art!"
That's who Jesus Christ is to me.
I'm so glad my purpose in life is to get to know Him more fully. Coming to know a person is so much more fulfilling and meaningful than a set of ideals. Jesus Christ gives me compassion, love, understanding, and clarity that no set of ideals can.
I've been thinking a lot about truth. I forget that Jesus Christ said HE is the truth, that truth is literally embodied by a person, even though that's hard to grasp. I wrote this speech when I was a missionary, and I still stand by it. I'm so glad I not only wrote this speech but internalized this message out there...even though I really shouldn't have worn that shirt in the video. If I could change one thing, (surprisingly it wouldn't be the shirt) I would remind others that this truth is not a set of values or ideals, but a person. It's doing and reacting the way one person would.
When I was little, probably 12 or 13 years old, my family and I went on a Summer road trip. We camped along the east coast visiting historical sites and enjoying the bursts of green trees and blue ocean. On a particularly windy day, I was most likely avoiding setting up a tent or washing dishes, so instead I strolled along the path next to grass and picnic tables. Suddenly, the wind picked up to gusts probably up to like 1,000 miles per hour and little me was almost blown away. But, instead of shrinking from the strong gusts, I chose to embrace them with open arms. Literally. I even went as far as to climb onto one of the picnic tables, turn my face towards the sky, stretch my arms out, and essentially pretend I was an anime wind character.
I probably looked pretty funny, but as time has gone by that experience sticks vividly in my memory as a moment where I felt truly... free. I don't quite remember how old I was or whether I was in Vermont or North Carolina, but I do remember the power of that wind slicing through my fingers, whipping through the gloomy, boring day, and leaving me in awe of God's powerful creations...and that I could be a very very small and influential part of them.
The purpose of me telling this story is to help all of us have similar experiences. Maybe you've felt the awe and relief of witnessing the birth of a child, the freedom that comes from ending toxic relationships, or the feeling of unburdening when we stop comparing ourselves to others. Whatever it is, we all desperately need to have more moments when we feel truly free.
John chapter 8 clearly outlines the type of freedom these experiences give us. In the chapter, Jesus says "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."
The truth shall make you free.
The people were confused by this phrase. They ask "We be Abraham’s seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?" Essentially they were like "yo we have freedom in our country and we have never been slaves to anyone what are you talking about Jesus?"
But the freedom the Savior was talking about was the same kind of freedom I am addressing today. He responds to the people and says "Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin." This freedom that Jesus speaks of is not based upon circumstances or nationalities. It has nothing to do with other people and their decisions. This freedom is internal peace. It is the intense willpower of one willing to often say "it's my fault." "I'm sorry." And "I will try to do better." It is knowing that no one is ever responsible for your actions, but you.
In the book, The Hiding Place, a character named Betsie Ten Boom is imprisoned in a concentration camp with her sister Corrie during WWll. As you can imagine, those camps contained awful living conditions and the guards brutally punished innocent people. There really seemed like no reason to rejoice and be happy. To top it all off their beds and bodies soon became infested with fleas. And yet, Betsie Ten Boom found it in her to thank God for those fleas, because the guards who would otherwise come in to disrupt their bible study and punish them for it were thwarted off by the thought of getting infected with those very same fleas.
This story proves very interesting to me and the point I am trying to prove today. Because though Betsie Ten Boom was in the midst of awful physical bondage and slavery, I believe her outlook on life and gratitude to God truly set her free. This is the freedom Jesus Christ spoke of. Betsie recognized the truth of her situation, what she could and could not change, and chose to be set free.
Later on in the book, and long after the war, Corrie Ten Boom struggles with the ability to forgive those who treated her and her family so brutally. She was finally liberated from the concentration camp, yet she was -understandably- still held in bondage to the poison of never forgiving. Eventually, she was enabled through a strength greater than her own to forgive.
But what I want to point out is that in contrast to her sister, though Corrie was liberated physically - she was not internally free.
It's these vices that concern me. Not so much the visible and obvious bondage - the physical chains and prisons - but the type of captivity that we cannot see with the natural eyes, and cannot hear with our natural ears. Though you may live in a free country, ask yourself, are you truly free? Are you chained down by addictive habits, starved without attention from others, or encircled in the prison of blame and guilt? Can you walk each day with a clean conscience, void of offense toward God and man?
This topic has been heavy on my mind as I've observed the great lack of care our world has for personal freedom. We have not developed those eyes to see and ears to hear. Our eyes instead turn towards other things...happiness, success, love, brilliance, acceptance, productivity, peace, and power. But rarely do we seek for personal freedom. And in the midst of our seeking for other things we are often led down unknown paths and strange roads that limit our access to personal freedom. I want you to consider; how often do you search for acceptance and happiness in unwise ways - never considering how your personal freedom will be affected? As I've considered this question I've been surprised by how often I seek happiness in unwise ways. For example, I am a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As missionaries, we are assigned to serve somewhere around the world for normally 18-24 months and are given a companion. A companion is with us 24/7...we're advised to never leave each other's side. Before you think that's weird...actually, it is pretty weird, we're kind of a peculiar people. But, understandably, when you're stuck with the same person for sometimes up to 3 to 6 months, certain things get on your nerves about them and you realize that maybe you don't get along with people as well as you thought you did. I've discovered that it would be easy to remedy the situation and find happiness by asking for a new companion and choosing to give up on getting along...which, in some cases, is what needs to happen.
But most often, freedom does not come in changing your situation or running away from your problems. Freedom comes in accepting the reality of your circumstances and recognizing the power you have to overcome, learn, and change from them. As I have learned from Betsie and Corrie Ten Boom, I have come to more fully discover the power and importance in that simple verse of scripture, "the truth shall make you free." This truth - that we have the power to accept and overcome our circumstances - is life-changing. It is so important. This truth enables us to be humbled by the loss of a job, rather than discouraged. It helps us to take courage in the fact that you play a big part in healing strained relationships. It creates a sense of power over your life and actions that dispels fear and anxiety. Whether it's fear, hopelessness, a loss of money, tragic events, or simply annoying circumstances and people, this truth has enabled me to not only accept the hard way but to grow, learn, improve, and be liberated from it.
It is my constant prayer that each of us, in turn, will dig deep within ourselves and discover the truth of each and every circumstance we are put into - the freeing, unburdening, glorious truth that you have been given the power to face the hard way and to discard the easy way. To take up your cross. To face challenges head-on...and though life may whip you, spit upon you, though others may try to convince you that you do not have power over your circumstances, and that others need to change and not you, though you may be experiencing dark moments of despair, and though you may be mocked, ridiculed, and cheated, the truth is that you have the power, like Corrie, Betsie, and that great one of old, to say "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Please join me in not shrinking from - but courageously facing the ferocious gusts of wind, lifting our heads toward the sky, reaching our hands out,
My institute class has caused me to reconsider the book "A Lanter In Her Hand."
Originally, I had questions concerning Abbie Deal's perspective on life. She seemed to hold bitterness in her heart. Now I think I understand it better. We go through trials in life, not so we can be self-serving and grow and learn, we undergo hardship because we must be given the opportunity to emulate the Savior. Jesus Christ knew that nothing in this world was more important than doing good, emulating love. As a humble carpenter with no apparent beauty, Jesus could've accomplished much greater things. But He knew what was most important and what would bring the most joy to Him and others. Abbie Deal knew this too. She took up her cross, and though it was difficult and heavy, she bore it well. She wondered if there was another way that things could be done, but decided there wasn't. Each of us has a cross to carry, and it doesn't have to be Abby's cross...but we each have our own.
“I think that love is more like a light that you carry. At first childish happiness keeps it lighted and after that romance. Then motherhood lights it and then duty . . . and maybe after that sorrow. You wouldn't think that sorrow could be a light, would you, dearie? But it can. And then after that, service lights it. Yes. . . . I think that is what love is to a woman . . . a lantern in her hand.”
“Love is the light that you see by.”
“Abbie Deal went happily about her work, one baby in her arms and the other at her skirts, courage her lode-star and love her guide,—a song upon her lips and a lantern in her hand.”
God help us emulate the Savior like Abby did, regardless of the load.
I have re-written this draft many times...trying to organize my thoughts and defend my position. The truth of the matter is - all I have written is garbage. I keep writing around the fact that simply put, these things terrify me. And they shouldn't. So I put those drafts where they belong, in the garbage. And that's all I have so far.
I've been really thinking about social media... and I really am being unfair by telling people what they can and can't post when I have no idea what to post and what not to. I still think it's wrong to believe in movements and start revolutions that are based upon vengeance and anger. But posting on social media is so tricky. I sometimes don't think before I post, or I think too much...if we really wanted to have good posts on social media, I don't think anyone would post ever. People can judge my posts, but it gets too painful when I judge myself because of my high-posting standards. I just need to chill out, God help me be less judgemental.
I don't love the 21st-century argument, "would you say something that rude to others? Then why are you thinking those things about yourself."
It's true, I rarely, if ever (correct me if I'm wrong) do I speak that rude of things to other people to their face. But, that doesn't mean I don't think those things or gossip about them to others. The problem isn't that I'm nice to other people and I'm not nice to myself, the problem is that I'm fake and polite...it's that I pretend to be super nice to others - when really in my mind I'm being kind of judgy...but with myself in my own mind I know there's no need to be fake. I think it's more natural to judge others just as harshly as we judge ourselves, otherwise, our values are inconsistent.
So, the solution isn't in pretending that we don't hate ourselves and practicing fake self-love, while simultaneously giving ourselves a pat on the back for being so outwardly kind yet inwardly judgy, it's in changing our core beliefs and values. Essentially the solution is repentance. It's changing our views of ourselves, the world, and God. It's changing who we are...not just what we say to ourselves and others, but what we genuinely think and feel about them. And maybe being more honest when we don't feel especially kind feelings toward someone/ourselves and figure out what we need to change, instead of covering up the issue with flowery words and niceties. So, I think the better question then "why would you think those rude things about yourself if you would never say them to someone?" Is "What do I not understand about God, the world, and others that is causing me to be judgemental and unkind towards others and myself?"
Good writers have to be familiar with tragedy. They have to understand the complexity of the human race. They have to experience sorrow, deceit, sore trial - or at least be familiar with it. They have to accept it as it is.
I think I'm beginning to. If you surround yourself with happiness, you surround yourself with only half of life...and eventually - an empty life. This is partly why good writers read. Full people read. Whole people.
Just so you know where I'm coming from, this morning I saw on Emma Miller's Instagram page that someone had shared her post. This someone, named Tia Wilson, had quite a few followers and is somewhat of an influencer in the mental illness category. Emma Miller concerns me. I could so easily be just like her. She shares some truth...but something is just a little off about what she shares. And something is a little off about Tia Wilson, just as something is a little off with what Miah's pal Alyssa shares. Part of it is truth. I went down the mental health road a second there myself, I know how important it is to let go of false ideals, re-write some of your beliefs, and consider the warped way of our society and our own thought processes. I'm really grateful that I don't have panic attacks and extreme OCD. I'm really grateful that whatever I went through taught me some things and I seem to generally be the better for it, not worse. I'm especially grateful I didn't fully fall down the mental health trap...this worldly way holds much truth, but something about it is just a little bit off.
I've been trying to identify what seems so off to me...I realized something all of these 3 people have in common: it's almost vengeance. Retribution. A fight. A chip on the shoulder...essentially, it's anger.
As these fine women will assure you, anger, and all emotions for that matter, are not wrong to feel. Tia put in a story awhile ago "Anger comes from when your boundaries are crossed! And I knoooww a God of grace would weep beside us. And honor our anger just as they honor ALL our emotions. 100% we are judged for our responses to them, NEVER would a merciful kid judge their kid for their emotions. For being a literal human?!? Rage dude. Rage. History is full of people getting angry and making change."
So close to the truth! But, once again, a little bit off. While it's true that often negative emotions are out of our control, the defining attribute of Jesus Christ was that he was in constant control of himself. His self-mastery was unparalleled. He never "raged." He never allowed His emotions to get the better of Him.
Emma Miller's most recent caption starts "Honk your dam* horn." Her message holds some truth, it's good to let people know they put you in danger. Even this part "Someone else’s comfort isn’t more important than mine, and someone else’s comfort is NEVER more important than my safety" is somewhat true...but it's the feeling of the caption that seems off to me. While these women are trying to teach less black and whites, they both use "NEVER" in their captions. While these women promote love and self-compassion, they sure are angry and hurt by a lot of people. While these women promote positive vibes, all I get from their pages are negative and toxic ones. I don't hate them, and I don't think they are stupid. I'm just trying to figure out what my gut is telling me, what is actually true vs what just sounds and feels good.
It comes back to the French Revolution vs the American Revolution me. One was polluted with vengeance, one wasn't. One promised liberty, equality, and fraternity through the guillotine, the other was founded on the understanding that all of us are created equal - founded on liberty and born through sacrifice and obedience, not beheadings, not vengeance. "Every aristocrat was a traitor, just as his ancestors before him." -The Scarlet Pimpernel
I don't blame them for not recognizing this anger. What saddens me is that they share their stories of "anger", in an attempt to bring awareness to things to help others, and receive compliments and encouragement from others, all the while promoting what they have yet to realize is not the complete truth. Who's to say what we can and can't post, even if it's not entirely true? No one, especially not me - people see truth according to their own standards, including me. I just wish I didn't feel so alone in believing what I believe.
For a minute, let's say that I didn't feel like something was off with all of these Instagram posts. Let's say what they shared was the truth.
Even then, I wouldn't want to buy into it...it's not that self-help books, tattoos, immodesty, and validation are bad. It's that the path they lead down is bad. Being over-involved in these is not a good game to play. What's to stop you from removing your records Tia, if you had to leave church one day to get apollo burger because you were triggered by something someone said? (true story, check her Insta) What's to stop Emma Miller from honking her horn by mistake because of how adamant she is about it, and causing someone else totally undeserved and unexplained shame? What's to stop Brandon Edgecomb from leaving the church after he started a tattoo parlor? Oh wait, nothing.
If you start believing in mental health, you have to start believing that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is deeply flawed, and sometimes, not worth being a part of. If you start believing in self-compassion, you have to believe that anyone who doesn't extend this compassion to you is a traitor. If you start believing that all emotions are good and human, you have to start believing in the LGBTQIA community. If you start believing in feminism, your belief in eternal marriage, motherhood, and the law of consecration dwindle. If you start believing these things, you victimize yourself. You sympathize with minority groups and traitorize the majority. You end up in a place that I do not want to be.
Though I resented my family when I felt they didn't understand the struggle of fighting with perfectionism and dark emotions you can't control, I better understand where they were coming from now. The path to mental health doesn't always lead to Jesus Christ. In fact, as I sense from vocal Instagramers, the path ends in a place that I do not want to be. I thank God that it's possible to not let these dark experiences and issues define who we are, what we believe, and who we have compassion for. Rather, they can allow us to keep turning to Jesus Christ. The only way to access the full power of Jesus Christ is through His church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Through the scriptures, through prayer, and even through church no matter how triggered we are, we can find answers that Instagram influencers rarely, if ever, give us. Any path that turns towards vengeance and anger, instead of Jesus Christ is not a path for me.
"Because there is such great interest in these issues, the world is not bashful in offering numerous new answers to every problem we face. People run from one new idea to the next, hoping to find something that will answer the burning questions of their souls. They attend seminars and buy books, CDs, and other products. They get caught up in the excitement of looking for something new. But inevitably, the flame of each new theory fades, only to be replaced by another "new and improved" solution that promises to do what the others before could not. It's not that these worldly options don't contain elements of truth - many of them do. Nevertheless, they all fall short of the lasting change we seek in our lives. After the excitement wears off, the hollowness remains as we look for the next new idea to unlock the secrets of happiness."
Ok, I finished it. I may have to take back a little bit of what I said in my past post about life missions. Deep in my heart, I know I love this book.
Abbie Deal is so so good. But...part of me wonders how much this book applies to modern life, my life. And Aldrich addresses that, she's so masterful at presenting different generations of people, different times, and different cultures. I know we have different challenges than Abbie Deal did. No one is asking us to be farmers, to tackle a new land, to face grasshoppers and blizzards. So the question goes, if we have different challenges, do we respond the same way Abbie did? I don't know. Part of me doesn't think so. Part of me has a hard time with the fact that Abbie is always burying dreams, ideals, passions. Hiding what she really thinks and really wants to do. Part of me thinks that living through your kids is a little mental... that it could cause children to feel pressured and puppet-like. Part of me wonders if Abbie Deal did what she did for us today, so we didn't have to do it.
On the other hand, Abbie was the essence of charity. She chose and followed love no matter how difficult. She did what was right because she knew it was right. She loved her children despite misunderstandings, she loved her children unconditionally. She was the woman in Proverbs 31, her price far above rubies.
The book really just made me sad, but it helped me understand more about life.
