Tuesday, November 23, 2021

Being Yourself has Nothing to Do with You

Authenticity. Who has it? Serial killers, angsty teens, vain celebrities, and curmudgeonly old boomers. At least, that’s according to the widely accepted definition. Someone that has anxious feelings, prideful thoughts, old habits, or even a person who considers how to best murder someone else – these people are living a life most authentic to who they are. Individuals at their core are only a conglomerate of thoughts and feelings. This idea in moderate circumstances seems right. For example, if a person feels and thinks controlling thoughts, they are probably a perfectionist – that’s who they are. However, especially when taken to the extreme, this idea is a non sequitur. The purpose of this paper is to prove that thoughts and feelings are fleeting and inconsistent, that what an individual's mind and body is made up of does not show who that person is, and that a way of being is the source of emotions and ponderings. There is no magic crystal ball or prophetic personality test that will reveal true authenticity. There are no feelings of happiness, suppression, anxiety, and no thoughts of clarity, depth, or power that will encompass who one is. The answer is far simpler. Humans are good. Everything that is of good report and praiseworthy is authentic. When thoughts of murdering and anxiety are put aside, a deep well of water is found - water that tastes clear, real, and crisp. This water is compassion, love, charity...it is the deity and divine within. Authenticity comes from this innate goodness, not from the artificial bubble of thoughts and feelings.


            First, an individual is not their thoughts and feelings because thoughts and feelings are fleeting. Famous philosopher Sigmund Freud once asked: “Where does a thought go when it’s forgotten?” Regardless of the answer to this question, Freud is making a point here. A thought is expendable. Thoughts get replaced and forgotten all the time. An individual could think that they are a male one day, but a female the next. As author Rick Hanson states in his book Buddha’s Brain: “There’s evidence that negative memory — both explicit and implicit — is especially vulnerable to change soon after it’s been recalled.” [1] Thoughts can not only be forgotten and replaced but twisted and changed. Thoughts are fleeting.


            In this unreliability, feelings are the same. Two scientists, David Oakley from University College London and Peter Halligan from Cardiff University published a study in Frontiers in Psychology. In this study they conclude: "The contents of consciousness are generated 'behind the scenes' by fast, efficient, non-conscious systems in our brains. All this happens without any interference from our personal awareness, which sits passively in the passenger seat while these processes occur...Put simply, we don't consciously choose our thoughts or our feelings – we become aware of them." [2]


Feelings are subject to surroundings and environment. If there is nothing in an environment that feeds feelings of shame, anxiety, or distress, it is unlikely that anyone would feel these emotions. Though these feelings may be necessary, they are not reliable. As Halligan and Oakley proved, conscious choice is far less involved in fleeting thoughts and feelings than surroundings are. Both thoughts and feelings are changeable, forgotten, twisted, and manipulated.


Identity and authenticity cannot be found in something fleeting. From Merriam Webster one learns the definition of Authenticity: “Real or genuine: not copied or false. True and accurate. And made to be good or look like an original.” So, authenticity is found in all that is original, true, and genuine. But genuine to what? True to what? Original how? Being true to fleeting thoughts and feelings is an idea that cancels itself out. Originality is made to be good or look like an original. Truth is what actually is versus what has been manifest or assumed. Genuine is what is actual and real versus fake or contrived. So, generally put, authenticity is made to look like an original, it comes from what is actually the case rather than what is manifest or assumed, and it is actual and real. In summary, all of these sub descriptions of authenticity imply that being true to oneself requires being connected to an unchanging original reality that is constant from the beginning. If authenticity is connected to that which is fleeting — such as thoughts and feelings — it is by definition not authentic because it is not true, genuine, or original. Though musings and emotions can often hit upon truth and originality, they do not always do so, and therefore cannot be trusted. Fleeting thoughts and feelings are not a reliable source for reality, and therefore not a reliable source for determining who an individual is at their core.


            Thoughts and feelings are part of what makes up a person, but that doesn’t denote essence. Rene Descartes, a well-known philosopher, forever coined the phrase: “I think, therefore I am.” This is what is known from his writings, but he is easily misunderstood. In Descartes Meditations he pens: “But what then am I?  A thing which thinks.  What is a thing which thinks?  It is a thing which doubts, understands, [conceives], affirms, denies, wills, refuses, which also imagines and feels.”[3] Throughout Descartes’s philosophy, he attempts to prove that he exists. He does this by proving that he thinks. Because he thinks he exists. Descartes is not asserting that thoughts and feelings create an essence. This can be affirmed by his statement in his same Meditations: “Nevertheless I have long had fixed in my mind the belief that an all-powerful God existed by whom I have been created such as I am.”[4] Thoughts and feelings are part of what makes one up. Looking at humans scientifically, individuals are just a pile of well-placed cells. A human is a body with thoughts and feelings. This may be what makes up a person but does not show who an individual is. Water scientifically is H20. H20 may be the chemical particles that makeup water, but that doesn’t describe what water is and does — water is much more than its scientific essence. It can be used to put out fires, it is essential to human and animal survival, it creates beautiful scenes when it falls from streams off of cliffs, it can be frozen and make things cold, and it produces growth and prosperity. When water is only described as H2O, it is confined within those limits, and there is no indication of its numerous other properties. Thoughts and feelings, according to Descartes, are proof that we exist — that we are made of something. But Descartes also affirms the majesty and utility of being much more than that — “an all-powerful God existed by whom I have been created such as I am.” In the English language, it is said “I am hungry.” In Spanish, one would say “I have hunger.” This is an example of identifying as a thought or feeling. Spanish has it right in this instance. It is not correct to be hunger — one cannot impersonate all the attributes of a feeling or thought. One only has feelings and thoughts, just as one has hunger. As author Eckhart Tolle put it: “To realize that you are not your thoughts is when you begin to awaken spiritually. The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly — you usually don’t use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease. You believe that you are your mind. This is the delusion. The instrument has taken you over.”[5] Thoughts and feelings are part of what makes up an individual, but they are not who a person is when it comes to essence.


Authenticity cannot be found in meandering sentiments and emotions because these are only a fallible interpretation of a way of being and not the source of our being. In the King James Version of the New Testament in James chapter 3, it reads: “Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? Either a vine, figs? So can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? Let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom...For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.” [6]


These verses outline that if a person is perfectly full of meekness, gentleness, and humility, they cannot feel or think words of hatred, pride, or haughtiness. A fountain, or way of being, cannot produce deeds that are in opposition to it. However, no mortal is perfectly meek, gentle, or humble – and often a person chooses to attain these attributes when it suits them, and to discard them when it doesn’t. And so, fallibility will forever cause arguments to become complex. The complexity comes in the purity of the water. At a certain point the analogy falls apart because unlike fountains and plants, humans are dimensional. A person may be pure in some areas but bitter in others, and therefore produce both sweet and bitter water. In sorting out this mess, at least one thing is true: thoughts, feelings, and actions, as the water from the fountain, are not the source of the way of being — they are not the fountain itself. To live true to thoughts and feelings is missing the mark; it skips past the actual way of being. Because thoughts and feelings are fleeting and fallible, their scope is not big enough to fit the whole of a person. A fountain is foundational, more essential, and truer to being than the one drop of water it puts forth. To be true to oneself, one must rely upon the source of thoughts and feelings; and not the thoughts and feelings themselves.


There is innate goodness within every individual. This goodness is called different things by different people. From Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations, one learns: “Dig inside yourself. Inside there is a spring of goodness ready to gush at any moment, if you keep digging.”[7]

 Adam Smith in his Theory of Moral Sentiments stated: “​​How selfish soever man may be supposed, there are evidently some principles in his nature, which interest him in the fortune of others, and render their happiness necessary to him, though he derives nothing from it except the pleasure of seeing it. Of this kind is pity or compassion, the emotion which we feel for the misery of others, when we either see it, or are made to conceive it in a very lively manner. That we often derive sorrow from the sorrow of others, is a matter of fact too obvious to require any instances to prove it; for this sentiment, like all the other original passions of human nature, is by no means confined to the virtuous and humane, though they perhaps may feel it with the most exquisite sensibility. The greatest ruffian, the most hardened violator of the laws of society, is not altogether without it.” [8]


Author Jamie Smart in her book Clarity said: “No matter how lost you sometimes get in thoughts of lack, worry and insecurity, who you really are is always the same… Peace, freedom, wisdom, clarity and love,”[9]


Cicero shared his thoughts in his On the Commonwealth: “Keep at it; and know this: it is not you that is mortal but your body. You are not what your physical shape reveals, but each person is his mind, not the body that a finger can point at. Know then that you are a god, as surely as a god is someone who is alert, who feels, who remembers, who looks ahead, who rules and guides and moves the body of which he is in command just as leading god does for the universe. And just as the eternal god moves the universe, which is partly mortal, so too does the eternal soul move the fragile body… use your soul in the best activities! And the best concerns are those that involve the safety of the fatherland; the soul which is aroused and exercised by them will fly more swiftly to this, its dwelling and home. It will do so all the more swiftly if even when it is enclosed in the body it projects outward and by contemplating those things that are outside it draws itself as much as possible from the body. The souls of men who have surrendered themselves to the pleasures of the body and have made themselves into the servants of those pleasures, and at the urging of desires that are directed by pleasure have broken the laws of gods and men.”[10]


            Saint Augustine states in his Enchiridion: “With this much said, within the necessary brevity of this kind of treatise, as to what we need to know about the causes of good and evil--enough to lead us in the way toward the Kingdom, where there will be life without death, truth without error, happiness without anxiety--we ought not to doubt in any way that the cause of everything pertaining to our good is nothing other than the bountiful goodness of God himself. The cause of evil is the defection of the will of a being who is mutably good from the Good which is immutable.” [11]


All of these authors and thinkers have a connecting theme throughout their philosophy; even when they have differing views on religion. The connecting theme is this: every human being has some kind of deity, compassion, purity, peace, wisdom, truth, or godliness inside of them. Many religions, such as Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Jainism, Taoism, Sikhism, and Hinduism believe in the ability individuals have to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize their divine identity. Adam Smith may have been atheist and was certainly not a traditional Christian – yet still believed in this concept. According to Pew Research, one-in-five self-described atheists say they believe in some kind of higher power.[12] Many religions, belief systems, and ancient and modern philosophical ideas come together on the fact that there is deity or goodness within; or, at the very least, love, compassion, and humanity within. This is because it is a truth that extends past religion and time – it is an unchanging reality. There is innate goodness within every individual, and as Marcus Aurelius says, one simply has to keep digging to find it.


When innate goodness is manifest, it rings true because every individual has the capacity to recognize it. From Seneca in his Moral letters to Lucius: Moreover, who can deny that even the most inexperienced are effectively struck by the force of certain precepts? For example, by such brief but weighty saws as: "Nothing in excess," "The greedy mind is satisfied by no gains," "You must expect to be treated by others as you yourself have treated them”. We receive a sort of shock when we hear such sayings; no one ever thinks of doubting them or of asking "Why?" So strongly, indeed, does mere truth, unaccompanied by reason, attract us.[13]


Each individual has been given a conscience, an ability to sense right from wrong. If one so chooses to live in harmony with this inner goodness or inner conscience, it will always be there. Denying or twisting its pleadings does not get rid of it entirely. Human beings can sense innate goodness if they so choose because it is a core part of who they are.


            Authenticity comes from innate goodness. For something to be original, genuine, and true – essentially authentic – it must be connected to an unchanging reality. This is proved by the definition of the word. What is real and unchanging is this innate goodness. When a person lives true to goodness, they are being their authentic selves. No serial killers, curmudgeons, angsty teens, or vain celebrities are being authentic – because they are not being true to what is real. Acts of kindness, charity, and love; the search for wisdom, enlightenment, and peace; these are when one is truly authentic.


            There is variety and individuality in goodness. C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity says:

“There are no real personalities apart from God. Until you have given up yourself to Him you will not have a real self. Sameness is to be found most among the most 'natural' men, not among those who surrender to Christ. How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been; how gloriously different are the saints.

But there must be a real giving up of the self. You must throw it away 'blindly' so to speak. Christ will indeed give you a real personality; but you must not go to Him for the sake of that. As long as your own personality is what you are bothering about, you are not going to Him at all. The very first step is to try to forget about the self altogether. Your real, new self (which is Christ's and also yours, and yours just because it is His) will not come as long as you are looking for it. It will come when you are looking for Him...Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. Look for yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin, and decay. But look for Christ, and you will find Him, and with Him everything else thrown in.”[14]


            This quote is meant for Christians but can be applied to all. C. S. Lewis’s idea of God within this quote is the same as this idea of innate goodness. In this sense, there are no real personalities apart from innate goodness. The giving up of self can be applied to thoughts and feelings. To be authentic, one has to give up thoughts and feelings and surrender to goodness. This does not make every individual the same. Every person can do good in different ways. Humans create variety and innovation through being true to who they are – being true to compassion and honesty. Individuals are all the same in that they have goodness at their core, but they are all different in that goodness has no bounds. This allows for authenticity. There is variety in goodness.


            From C. Day Lewis’ translation of Virgil’s Aeneid it reads: 

Sustained by a spirit within; for immanent Mind, flowing 

Through all its parts and leavening its mass, makes the universe work. 

This union produced mankind, the beasts, the birds of the air, 

And the strange creatures that live under the sea’s smooth face. 

The life-force of those seeds is fire, their source celestial, 

But they are deadened and dimmed by the sinful bodies they live in – 

The flesh that is laden with death, the anatomy of clay: 

Whence these souls of ours feel fear, desire, grief, joy, 

But encased in their blind, dark prison discern not the heaven-light above.”

It is impossible to be fully authentic as a mortal. Humans are deadened and dimmed by sinful bodies and encased in their blind, dark prisons. There is no way to live true to innate goodness all the time. There are moments when individuals are authentic, and these are to be recognized as such. But if a mortal were to say “I am always living true to myself,” it would be the equivalent of saying “I am perfectly good and loving and kind.” It is not true, and it cannot be true. However, each individual has the capacity to progress towards true authenticity.


Authenticity comes from innate goodness, not thoughts and feelings. One cannot be authentic when living true to thoughts and feelings because they are fleeting and changeable. Authenticity comes from a source of being. It can only be achieved when derived from an idea that is an unchanging reality or truth. The truth is this: humans are good. There is a core of divinity or charity within each individual. That is who one is. Whether or not others choose to live in harmony with this goodness, it is always there. When one lives true to this innate goodness, that is when there is authenticity. This goodness does not rob individuals of personality – it supplies it through variety. Through effort, one can consistently be more authentic. The artificial bubbles of thoughts and feelings cannot compete with the crisp water that comes from innate goodness. For one to live an authentic life, live a life of compassion, wisdom, peace, and liberty. Live a life of goodness – live a life of love.



[1] Hanson’s Buddha’s Brain

[2] Oakley and Halligan’s Article

[3] Descartes Meditations

[4] Ibid

[5] Eckhart Tolle

[6] James 3

[7] Aurelius Meditations

[8] Smith The Theory of Moral Sentiments

[9] Smarts Clarity

[10] Cicero’s On the Commonwealth

[11] Augustine’s Enchiridion

[12] Pew Research 10 Facts about Atheists

[13] Seneca’s Moral Letters to Lucius, Letter 94

[14] C. S. Lewis Mere Christianity

Monday, November 15, 2021

Will This Blog be the Death of Me?

 I've been (to my utmost gratitude and remorse) learning a lot about writing, through writing and getting feedback, thanks to my professors.

As usual, I think of myself as a freaking genius. I suppose every writer, whether a dabbler or a professional, reaches a point where they realize how lacking they are in skills. Every book I've read or story I've heard where writers reaching this "I'm actually not that good of a writer" point -- I find that at that point in the story my thoughts go something like finally this person is coming to know themselves as they really are and finally they will stop thinking so highly of themselves. I don't think I would yet consider myself a writer, so obviously I am exempt from this train of thought. Just kidding. It may be due to my intense disability to unattach myself to words people say about me and my work, or maybe I am just joining the ranks of other writers, or maybe I just was extremely naive before...whatever the case, I feel completely inadequate when it comes to writing. I still love it with all my heart, and I still think I would love to pursue it especially in advancing the cause of truth, but I don't feel like I'm good at it anymore.

As you are privy to the contents of this blog -- you have full knowledge of what I'm talking about. I may have great insights but what they heck am I doing?!

I think there are 3 great ways to know whether or not you are at least a decent writer. First, you die. Most writers and philosophers seem to receive a lot of recognition after that. Second, you follow writing protocol strictly. (Although, people don't usually like to read this...at least I don't. But it is professional.) Third, I don't know. There's got to be a third version where you've done enough writing that you can have room to be creative and people will realize the value in it without having to die first. Where or when or how you reach that point -- or even how to recognize when you have reached that point -- I don't know.

As to my feeling like I am not good at writing anymore --that mostly, if not fully, comes from the fact that I am not a trained writer. I am a homeschooler. I didn't get training in the way of writing essays, I was given the freedom to write creatively. The thing is, I'm good at structure. I just need to know what the structure is. So that's my next venture.

Also meanwhile, applying the structure I already know. (I'm talking essay structure, not Derrida weirdness here.)

And finally I have arrived at the title of my blog post here. That this blog will probably be the death of me. ..which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if we look at all those famous dead writers. (And Algernon Sidney, who was put to death for what he wrote.) But I think of what would happen if I ran for office one day (which I seriously think I should) and how people would drudge up all these articles and use them against me. The problem is, I just love this blog too much. So I think I'm going to make a greater effort to write in more of an essay style, instead of a rant-journal style. Which, apparently essays are basically any body of writing...but we'll see if I can apply more of the structure I'm learning -- at least for most of the blog posts. Obviously the first thing I need to do is actually learn more structure.

I feel confident that the more I write, the better I'll get at it. Just like most things in life -- as long as you do it right.

Thanks for joining me in this journey that may or may not keep me from being elected to office one day. Wish me luck.